“We Made it to the finals!!”
Wait—I have to deadlift how much? I've never done that before in my life...
What if I fail?!
My teammate and I were SO excited to make it to the finals of our first CrossFit competition. It was such a fun day, and we were competing in a scaled division, having fun, and doing our best.
Everyone was excited for us since it was our first one...but, this was also a big day for me for another huge reason.
It was the first athletic competition where I didn’t arrive scared. Where I wasn't overthinking, overanalyzing, over-criticizing myself before anything event started.
I wasn't scared that I was going to fail. I wasn't saying, "but Sara, what if you suck?"
I wasn't doubting myself, for once.
That's why the entire day was so fun!!
And then, they announced the teams who made it to the Final Event.
They purposely don't release the event until right before it starts...so, it was written on the board maybe 20 minutes before we had to compete in it.
It involved burpee box jump overs, which I love--yes, I'm crazy :) and rowing.
Deadlifts at 155lbs.
When I saw that, My heart stopped.
I’ve never done that weight before. Was that part of my whole, "what if I can't do it and I suck at it" during the workouts?
And now, not only did I have to do it for the finals...there was no time cap. So, it was a go until you finish.
And, everyone would be watching.
I wasn’t sure I could do it.
I didn’t believe I could.
I fell back into my old mind pattern of “I can’t do this” and “how freaking embarrassing!” And that I had no right to be in the finals.
I went outside to cry for a second, and a couple tears fell.
But then, something happened. Something that, again, in all my time competing, has NEVER happened.
I decided, yes I can.
I'm going to do this.
The best thing I can do, is try.
So, I stopped crying, and went back inside.
My teammate and coaches talked with me about it, and we had a plan. At least my partner could finish, even if I couldn’t.
She would go first...and then, it was my turn.
What was missing? The fear. The "what if I can't do it?" The unknown.
All I knew was, I'm going to do this.
When it was time for me to get on the rower and go...instead of fear, I just started rowing. My coaches helped pace me while my teammate was doing the deadlifts and burpees
Rower done. This was it.
I walked up to the bar, got my hands in position, and lifted.
The bar came up.
I did it again.
And again. 12 times. The bar kept coming up.
We had a total of 27 reps of deadlifts and burpee box jump overs.
I did ALL of them.
At a weight I hadn’t ever lifted before.
I know 155 lbs isn't anything crazy. For me, it was. 10 minutes before I completed, I didn’t think I could do it.
And what did I do? I lifted the bar 27 times.
People always wonder if changing your mindset really does anything.
Accepting where you are, and then, making a decision about what you're going to do.
Whether it's deadlifts, or a career decision, a relationship decision, a self love decision.
When you change your mindset, and go for it...you prove yourself worthy to yourself.
Saturday, I proved to myself, I am worthy.
And this is just the beginning.
When you believe, and do the best YOU can do, simply that...you lift things up. You make a sale. You lose the weight. You get a new job. You start loving yourself, and see that you have such amazing purpose
When you believe in yourself, you change your entire life.